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On the Internet Security Laws #Personal
Tonight I feel sad, disappointed. I knew this would happen, why am I even surprised? I guess I had a tiny hope that just maybe the government would have the interests of the people at heart LIKE THEYRE SUPPOSED TO. But no, these 466 people decided as they always do, against the well-being of 94 million Vietnamese.
What’s the whole point of doing CS if none of these students actually give a shit about the issues I brought up? I’m being too judgmental here. I would’ve never accepted them as actors if they didn’t care! That’s irrational of me. Quyên talked about this, people just wanna act.
I need to continue fighting. This is what I was made to do. My name is Việt Quang Minh for reason beyond my dad, myself. It’s because I was meant to be the bright light that reveals how Vietnamese society really is. That is what I am meant to do! Journalism, writing. That is my resolve and I’m gonna become great at it!
The VSA I Fell in Love With and the Tired Relationship it Became (Part 2)
I was a cabinet member. Best secretary of Spring 2017! Woo! It was that semester that I started realizing that VSA events are lame. It’s kind of fun when it’s all new but you start to realize they weren’t that great. They were pretty generic with some twist of Vietnamese culture squeezed in there. It never really felt sufficient. Now, that was just Spring 2017 semester. I don’t mean the following semesters when Isabella and Vincent were academic chair because that shit was lit as fuck, well cool at least. Our events were boring because it was just a way for VSA to hang out with each other. The events themselves lacked any substance. I wanted VSA to make me a better Vietnamese person and by that I mean I want to speak Vietnamese better, I want to talk about Vietnam, I want to talk about its history, its literature, but it just seemed like no one in the club gave a damn about that stuff!
I’m pretty dissatisfied with the Vietnamese American community honestly. I guess that’s why I wanted to move to Vietnam so badly. How come no one else is like me? How come no one else cared about Vietnam like I did? That’s why I disliked VSA. I didn’t let myself dislike it though it was my baby. Looking back, I should’ve done more to change it. It’s hard when there’s no one around you like that though. So I tried to just make myself fit in to this lackluster experience that was VSA. That’s not to say I didn’t make genuine human connection though. Culture show was spectacular. But the reason it meant so much to me wasn’t even because of the story or anything! It was because I worked so damn hard with a bunch of other people who were stressed the fuck out. The fact that it was a show about Vietnamese culture was worth it though. I just didn’t find the story all that compelling, personally. My dad never fought in the army or was sent to a reeducation camp. Honestly, I thought the story was boring and had too much dialog throughout the middle and end.
Overall, Spring semester was pretty lackluster but I still stayed completely on board and fully committed because it’s VSA, it’s supposed to be the club I identify with.
The VSA I Fell in Love With and How it Became a Tired Relationship (Part 1)
It was August of 2016. I was walking through Lower Sproul, shopping for clubs but my heart was dead set on meeting my true love, Cal Vietnamese Student Association. I saw 2 Vietnamese girls, they were probably born in the US. They were just your average attractive Vietnamese-American looking girls. Okay, that’s whatever. They were very nice though. Was it a genuine kindness? That I don’t know but why question that when you’re trying to get involved with stuff, when you’re trying to be apart of something? Especially, with Vietnamese Student Association, the one thing I had to be apart of. I always wanted the best out of it. It was like my child. You always give your child the benefit of the doubt even when it does something really shitty or when it’s butt ugly. Cal VSA was kind of like that for me. Let me explain how.
I remember that first general meeting. The games we played were pretty whack to be honest but I still gave it my all because I had to love my ugly child. I remember thinking Chau Pham was the prettiest girl there. Hmm, other than that there was not much. I learned about some of the things they did but I didn’t really get what it was. I didn’t know what ACE was, I didn’t know what CORE really was. (CORE would be something that I would become centrally infused in later on though). I learned about the intern program and culture chair sounded the most interesting to me because I cared about Vietnamese culture not so much the actual Culture Show.
I don’t know how I became so integrated with the people. There were a few key moments. Wearing my baggy Altamont jacket that always felt dirty and only worn when I was depressed, I sat down with Van outside of Unit 3, pack of Marlboro Reds in a pocket with questionable debris. I apologized to her and told her I didn’t think I could fulfill my duties as her intern, expecting that she expected me to be a stronger person I was surprised when she came at me with a warm heart of accommodation and understanding. Christine asking me if I wanted to get Chipotle. That was weird, you could just ask someone to hang out freely like that? We were barely acquaintances! I think these two people/moments really showed me the general characteristics of VSA, at least the two most admirable ones. That’s the VSA I fell in love with. I probably loved these moments because they were so new to me. I just hope that in the future as I continue to interact with people in a professional and emotional level that I can do what they did for me.
There was retreat too, the first time I realized how fucked up everyone is. How fucked up they are yes, but how loving they are at the same time, which was the complete opposite of how Nhi treated me. Boom, out of that depressive episode.
Wait a minute, where was the Vietnamese stuff? I couldn’t begin to tell you. I wore an ao dai for a fashion show. Uhm, I explained the differences between 1st-generation and 2nd-generation Vietnamese American people. Did I become any smarter in Vietnamese culture? Nope. But I did make friends. What did I really do that first semester? Duh, intern meetings. Chumming was dope. I had that talk with Chau and gave her banh nam. I’ve changed a lot since then. My life wasn’t particularly spectacular then but little moments like that really made it for me, just everyone I talked to. I went to parties and made out with some folk. I ate artichokes late at night. I stopped going to school but I kept going to VSA events. That was the craziest part. VSA never begged for me to go to class and they still took me under their wing.
Going into Cal VSA I fucking loved Vietnam. I just came back from “falling in love in Saigon.” I wanted to live Vietnam in the US. The Vietnam that existed over there. I soon realized though, people weren’t like that here. They didn’t even want to speak Vietnamese! They probably did want to to some degree. But they didn’t understand things like when I said VCL! and they didn’t understand how cool and important it is to speak Vietnamese. Why did it only last a few sentences before it just felt so uncomfortable? To be honest, it felt like the American Student Association who just happened to be all Vietnamese folk. That’s why it felt like such a struggling duality, sort of like how the 2nd Generation Vietnamese American identity is like lol. On the one hand, the folks here were genuinely caring people that made me feel oh so loved but on the other hand they weren’t the Vietnam that I loved.
The Lyft Driver
“I just ran from the police hahaha!” The Lyft Driver told me as I got into his car. Initially I thought he was kidding. I thought he was trying to lighten up the mood but then he starts giving me details. He was at a cluster of wealthy abandoned houses out on Ruby and Norwood, chilling with this 25 year old girl he referred to as “crazy.” He’s 38. I questioned why he would put up with someone like that and then he showed me a picture of her and I understood why completely.
Somehow the police roll up on him. He books it and is able to just lay flat out in some tall grass for 45 minutes completely still, which is an admirable feat. After that he dips out to his car and is back on his Lyft grind. At about this point in the story he missed the turn we were supposed to make and we are stuck in the straight lane. He calmed me, saying “oh left right here? I got you.” The left turn signals turns green and he gases it out of the straight lane and cuts the car in the left lane off. That’s when I knew he was real and I could trust his driving.
Why do Lyft? Well he has to pay off his car payments before he goes to jail for 45 days. He has a warrant for his arrest, you see and cops typically don’t bother Lyft drivers but still, The Lyft Driver can’t go home. If he does, it’s in and out, take a shower, change his clothes and he’s gone. There’s a lot of great things about The Lyft Driver. His father was the first Black fire marshall in San Jose. He played football for U of W. His 8 year old son is really good at flag football. To prove this, he pulled out his cellphone and showed me a video. His son was so good at flag football that The Lyft Driver also had to watch his son at that very moment we were driving on the freeway. So we watch it together, I’m in the back seat and he holds the phone for both of us to watch while he’s also handling the car. His son can juke and zig zag hard. I trust the Lyft Driver. He knows what he do and how to do.
As he drops me off at thet Bart StationI bid the Lyft Driver the best of luck in the future because at that present moment he sure as hell made me happy.
今晩は、私の名前はヘンリー・ドです。アメリカ人ですけどりょうしんはベトナムに生まれました。英語とベトナム語が話せます。日本語がまあまあです。三年目の大学生です。日本に行ったことがあります。一か月間旅行しました。スケボーしましたから友達に会えました。すごく楽しかったので日本の旅行を忘れないと思います。
Rules to Get Away from Internet
An experiment to see what I do when I separate myself from social media.
Hypothesis: I won’t find it easier to talk to people, friends, strangers, and family.
Method: Allow myself 30 minutes at night before bed. Also, the only other time is emergencies, to see who is skateboarding, setting up plans.
Vietnam Week 2/3
What was I expecting when I came here, when I planned to come for 6 months. I expected to be happy from being with family I hardly ever see. They are wonderful, helpful with never expecting anything in return, for the most part, I’ll touch base on that later. They are so willing to do anything for me, while I relax and enjoy my time here. I skated a few more times, hung out with My, spent quality time with Bic, ate a lot of vegetarian food, and donated a bunch of good to poor old ladies. One old lady gave me a kiss. I saw a dog stand on all fours on the back of a motorbike. Again, it does not seem like my life is going anywhere. I like learning languages and skateboarding but it does not seem I am getting any better at it. Well, maybe I am, I just can’t see it now. I get frustrated more easily now. Like when my grandma’s brother wants me to help with his child in English but the kid doesn’t speak with me in English. I feel bad to turn it down. I don’t understand why I don’t help. It really would not be bad. What am I afraid of? Am i afraid that I am being used only for my English skills, a skill that I hardly any effort in acquiring, well it’s not like I am being used, they support me in so many ways. So what am I afraid of? It’s like I think I’m busy all the time so I don’t commit to taking time to talk with the kid in English. It’s a stressful environment out here.
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